Living with Death at your Shoulder

“Live as if death is just over your left shoulder,” advised the Yaqui medicine man Don Juan.

Yes! I thought as soon as I heard this decades ago,

That’s how I want to live.

Recently someone told me they thought it was depressing and morbid.

No way.

This is not a call to be obsessed with death

or to fear death or to try

to run from death.

It's a call to turn toward the bright reality of your life

and to embrace it.

It's a wake up call.

It's liberating.

It's the dive into a glacial lake

when you leap out shaking with joy.

More alive.

Your senses freshened, clarified,

energized, sharpened.

Wake up.

Remember.

This is precious.

Someday - who knows when -

you will not have this.

Be present.

Be intentional.

Be aware.

Be thankful.

Be grateful for everything you have now.

Stop taking yourself so damn seriously.

This earth body, this time here and now,

is but a moment,

soon to be dust.

Star dust, perhaps.

Transmogrified, perhaps.

Ascended, perhaps.

Just not this.

THIS YOU ONLY GET NOW.

Death at Your Shoulder is not the sinister grim reaper who sneaks up to snatch life away.

Death at Your Shoulder is the ally who loves you so much they will nudge you up early to see the sunrise.

Remind you that you could be more.

Maybe more loving, courageous,

true, fun, adventurous, creative,

on-purpose, playful or

(what other more-ness is

calling you?).

Death at Your Shoulder is the one who reminds you

again and again:

Look! Now. Life is a gift whose time will run out.

Show up. Now.

Love it. Now.

Don’t you dare squander it

complaining

hiding

avoiding

blaming

judging

fixing

postponing

busy-ing

or any of the other many things

you do- I do- we all do - when we forget,

or when we let fear distract us.

Remember.

Stop behaving as if you have forever.

Stop taking anything for granted.

Let yourself be shattered by amazement and

enlivened by the wonder of the tiniest moment.

Remember what matters and say

Yes, I see you.

Yes, I embrace you.

Yes, I accept this as a worthy life practice.

Yes, I choose to live awake.

Honoring Death at Your Left Shoulder as ally:

How will you live today?

wild wisdom

Wild Wisdom by Lea Bayles

Wild Wisdom is not city water.

It has not been piped, managed, studied,

treated, purified, fluoridated or chlorinated.

It does not pour obediently

out of your household fixtures.

Wild Wisdom does not stop when you turn a knob.

It does not travel around the world

encased in layers of plastic wrap.

It does not end up in the landfill or

kill baby albatross.

Wild Wisdom is water you slurp

right out of the icy stream melting off the glacier.

Wild Wisdom gushes from a

mysterious subterranean vein.

In it you taste ancient minerals from

plant and animal bodies

decomposed nine million years ago.

Wild Wisdom flows through the cave where your

bushmothers gathered and ate aurochs and

painted with their hands and worshiped

fecundity, food, survival and spirit.

Wild Wisdom is not the pet on your leash.

It is the untamable creature who claims you as kin,

quickening your pulse,

breathing your breath,

seizing your senses.

Leopard, sea anemone, dragonfly,

languid bear sleeping with cubs,

fox staring boldly in the forest,

dying rabbit,

lion stalking,

roebuck running,

serpent wrapped close around your warm belly,

raven offering you a courtship rattle,

amber eyes shining in the night.

Wild Wisdom is not a Wal-Mart tomato.

It has not been manipulated to stay pretty

on the shelf for months.

It has not been gassed and shipped from a

hot dry field in Mexico to Nebraska in January.

Wild Wisdom is a lumpy, funky, weird,

reddish-brown tomato

that alerts your tongue to

new possibilities of delight.

Wild Wisdom is the soles of your feet

longing for bare earth,

longing to grow roots that

descend and spread,

longing to seek nourishment

among the thick, gnarly organs and

fragile filaments of

oak, yew, fir, alder, cedar and redwood,

longing to rise as sap up and up and up,

longing to reunite with the Tall Ones who

towered above for centuries and

whose presence beckons you still through

strip malls, subdivisions and tree farms.

Wild Wisdom does not have a marketing plan.

It does not work 9-5 and take two weeks vacation.

It is not in the voter’s pamphlet.

It does not rule from a throne or a boardroom or a pulpit.

It does not tell you to follow rules that it violates.

Wild Wisdom is not a polite guest.

She crashes the party and seduces the hostess,

eats with her fingers from other peoples’ plates,

belches loudly, dances on the table and

spills red wine all over your precious manuscript.

Wild Wisdom is in you.

It needs you.

And god knows …you need it.

You need it to come alive.

You need it to find your path.

You need it to stay true to your core.

You need it to grow into your

honest version of lover, friend, mother, father,

teacher, artist and healer,

instead of the pale imitation who has for years

gotten you such nice nods of approval.

Wild Wisdom may shatter the container,

to save the contents.

Wild Wisdom shakes up your marriage

so you both have a chance to discover

what you really came together to create.

Wild Wisdom wakes you up at 2 in the morning and,

yes, you can ignore her,

I tried for years,

so go right ahead and

pathologize her as a sleep disorder,

do an herbal protocol for your liver or

get a prescription for Ambien

to try to make her leave you alone or

-Good Grief!- at least

come back at a civilized hour!

But honey, do you really want her to leave you alone?

Are you sure?

Wild Wisdom is the potency of the eggs you will not shed,

eggs that become memes for our new story,

fertilized and brought to life as

you make love with your creative destiny.

Wild Wisdom is always cooking deep

in the warm darkness of your loins,

ready to impregnate possibilities

we have barely begun to dream of.

Wild Wisdom is the 13th Godmother not invited to the christening,

Lilith banished from the Garden,

Holy Infant dumped in a trashcan,

Aphrodite locked out of the wedding chamber,

Greenman starving in your basement,

Brilliant Poet forgotten in the asylum.

Wild Wisdom is the shaman who

strengthens your spine as you

bear witness to the horror of

mountains beheaded, forests demolished,

oceans acidified and children starving.

She is the trickster who

cracks you open to love beyond human reason,

gives you courage to take a stand,

shoves you off your comfort ledge and

clashes a terrible gong just when

you’ve reached enlightenment.

She is the Timber Wolf who chews off her leg to be free.

Wild Wisdom may shine through in

your biggest mistake, a failed career,

the time you didn’t meet your responsibilities,

gave up and disappointed everyone.

Wild Wisdom may summon you to

turn down the generous donor,

gorgeous lover and ideal job.

Wild Wisdom may show up in the

cancelled meeting, dead battery,

prime opportunity snatched away….

Making room for something new.

Each day, dear one, you get to choose.

Curse her?

Or embrace her as ally?

Wild Wisdom is coming in through the cracks and

under our doors and through our dreams.

She hisses and cackles out of withered lips and

touches the world with just born fingers.

Wild Wisdom knows we cannot

open to the fullness of our longing,

cannot serve our sweet planet and cannot

evolve into our next stage of being human,

without her.

Wild Wisdom is not the words

you practice and edit until they are perfect.

It is the vapor that rises at the very

edge of what you know,

tantalizing your palate with ideas you

do not fully grasp.

Your Wild Wisdom may need

chaotic drumming and drooling dancing to

set it free.

Your Wild Wisdom may need

people who hold tender space,

giving lavish permission to be timid,

ridiculous, clumsy, too quiet and too loud

as you become a conduit for the voice that has

not yet found its way into this world.

Wild Wisdom needs you to stop hiding behind:

I don’t know. I’m not enough. I’m not ready.

And to start saying, Hell yes, I’ll give it a try!

Wild Wisdom needs you to stop trying to figure it all out

and to be done with bowing to authority.

Wild Wisdom is light in trees,

frogs singing,

bright moon in the early morning sky,

books dropping off the shelf,

valiantly flirting with you to help you wake up.

Resistance is suffering.

Wild Wisdom may give up on you and

crawl into a tight corner of a dark closet.

Listen.

Can you hear her crooning softly back in the shadows?

Sit quietly.

Wait to see if she is willing to come out again to talk to you.

How many more times?

How many more times will you

ignore, medicate, placate, distrust,

second guess, tune-out and over-ride

your Wild Wisdom?

My beloved friend,

What if Wild Wisdom in you

has the piece of our puzzle…

the elixir for our healing…

the vision of our emerging world…

that only you

-- only you -- can deliver?

Wild Wisdom is calling.

How Will You Answer?

Wild Wisdom © 2012 Lea Bayles lea@leabayles.com www.LeaBayles.com

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