Are you a Bully… to Yourself?
I am willing to bet big bucks you are not a bully to other people.
I suspect you may be a bully to yourself.
Perhaps occasionally. Perhaps a lot of the time.
Bullying yourself will cripple your creativity, your health, your productivity, your joy, your work in the world and your peace of mind.
It will keep you from bringing your best gifts to the world and prevent you from growing into the fullness and glory of who you really are.
Good news: The bully within can be reformed!
I’ve reformed my own inner bully. Now when she does show up we mostly laugh and tease and even have some hugs. Every week I support clients in liberating themselves from the bully trap. Whew! What a relief!
What is a bully?
My online search for definition of a bully brings up “…a persecutor, oppressor, tyrant, tormentor, intimidator,” and “…one who is habitually cruel, insulting, or threatening..."
You wouldn’t dream of being cruel or insulting to your family members, friends, employees or even to the people who are annoying or troublesome to you, right?
And yet, I wonder, do you say mean things to yourself, berate yourself for mistakes, insult your image in the mirror, make cruel jokes at your own expense, expect yourself to be perfect, put yourself down, devalue your worth, or belittle your accomplishments?
If so, you are not alone. I regularly bullied myself for years and it is one of the first things I work on transforming with most of my private clients.
Self- bullying is heartbreakingly common in our culture and it can be changed in a very short time.
Change your self- bullying to self kindness and you will dramatically increase your health, your creativity, your productivity your joy and your inner sense of peace, joy and wellbeing.
Ready to start? Here are six easy tips you can use today.
1. Begin cultivating kindness toward yourself. Feel the kindness that naturally rises when you think of the ones you love. Notice the sensations and feelings in your body. Know that you can extend those same feelings to yourself.
2. Notice with kind curiosity when you are mean or cruel to yourself. Kindly say to yourself, “ Hmmm there’s that critical voice.” Practice simply noticing it kindly, without fighting it and without letting it take over.
4. Begin looking for the goodness in yourself. Sometimes clients tell me they fear this may make them conceited or too full of themselves. Nope. I’ve seem this change in hundreds of people. When we become more truly kind and appreciative toward ourselves we actually become more loving and appreciative of other people.
4. Write down the goodness. Begin a daily practice of writing down- either as a list or a journal - things you have done that you feel good about or that you like about yourself. If you have trouble with this at first, just write things you love about your life.
5. Encourage yourself. As you look in the mirror - in the bathroom or in the car- say encouraging things to yourself, “Good job.” “You can do it.” “Well done.” “I’m proud of you for trying.” “Good morning, Gorgeous!” What words would you would like to hear? Say those to yourself.
6. Breathe Kindness. Breathe in: Kindness easily flows in and all through your body, your heart and your beingness. Breathe out: Kindness easily flows out into this precious world.
Do you suspect that inner bullying or self - criticism may be affecting your life? Think it might be blocking your creativity, productivity and happiness or holding you back from creating the life and the success you really want?
Let’s talk! Helping people break free from self- bullying is one of my super powers.Send me an email with the subject: Let’s Talk and I’ll get back to you right away.
Check out these two related interviews:
We Are More Radio: Monday April 30 at 10 am pst Listen to my interview with Bruce Langford, Mindfulness Life Coach as he talks about his years of work with bullying prevention, the power of mindfulness and meditation to improve your life and how mindfulness can combat bullying- in our world and in ourselves. Click here to go to the page and once there click the On Air button.
Mindfulness Mode Podcast: Bruce Langford, Mindfulness Life Coach interviews me! I tell a story I have never told in public about a situation where I was publicly harassed by a colleague and about how mean and harsh I used to be with myself and my daily mindfulness practices.